Essay #13 (The Theft)

As uninteresting as theft is in most respects, I'd like to recount mine to all my internet viewers.

I was in Gypjak, hugging my little sister and listening to hand-washing instruction this past weekend. My older sister had her wedding ceremony--or ceremonies, as in turns out--and my house was the hot place to be. My little sister was glad to have her American pet back to play with, and I was happy to see friendly faces from the past, even if it is the recent past. The time passed slowly, however, as one toi turned into three. And it took a lot of effort to convince the girls that I don't need to scrub my hands for several minutes in freezing cold water--because I always bring toilet paper--no, no, not a page from a book--and my hands rarely get as dirty as yours evidently do.

By the last morning I am set to go, doing a last check around the house. Unfortunately as I look in my wallet for my passport (Don't leave home without it!), I find my 200,000 manat missing. I rifle through my bag thinking, " Could I have put it elsewhere?" My mother, seeing my distress, hands me a foreign comb and asks, "Is this it?". I quickly check for other missing things as the tears well up in my eyes. My mom looks confused, and I tell her my money is gone. She tells me not to cry but also exclaims, "Weee" at how much. It comes to about $8, but I need it for the taxi home. Meanwhile the discussion of "Who would do that?" and "Well, her bag was open on the floor, no wonder," comes at me in partailly intelligable phrases and as if there were a locked area anywhere in the house. I can't imagine what I'd have done if either my Ipod or my camera (both in the bag) had gone missing, but it might have included swearing in English and making numerous false accusations.

My mom gave a precious 200,000 manat to the still-crying-out-of-shame rich American without batting an eye. I deduced that the thief was probably someone we know well since our guests were close friends who know I'd have money and also who would be unable to use possessions which would be obviously mine. Either it was that, or it was the famed "Narco-man" who got blamed again. Narcomen are heroin users, and they get universal blame for petty theft. At any rate, I made it back safe and sound and am planning to give my family something in thanks the next time I visit.